Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Autopilot Parent

Hey there.  Welcome to the most wonderful time of the year, otherwise known as the million months of cold, darkness and despair.  Looking for some cheering up?  You've obviously come to the right place.  I really do love the holidays, just not the subzero temps. 


Cold Air Hurting My Face 

Seriously. 

But anyway.  Lately I've been racking my brains about our kids.  It seems like we are constantly putting out minor fires.  Everyone's tempers are running extra hot and we just haven't been enjoying each other like I wish we could.  Reece, in particular, seems to spend most of every day trying to make everyone around him miserable.  And I've been really frustrated about that for multiple reasons, one of which is the fact that this is his last year home with me before Kindergarten.  And I really want that time to be sweet, like it was with Andrew.  

I checked out some books from the library: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and The Highly Sensitive Child.  I was determined that the answers to his behaviors would lie within the pages.  

They didn't.  

Quiet is an absolutely riveting book about personalities and temperaments.  I would recommend it to anyone, but especially introverts or people who love introverts.  It is very brain based and is really so intriguing.  I do think Reece is an introvert, but I don't necessarily think that is the root of his behavior problems necessarily.  And he definitely does not fit the description of a highly sensitive child, like I thought he would.  So then I started considering all manner of other causes: diet, allergies, behavioral disorders.  I think I just wanted to have a reason for all of his grouchiness and mild aggression.  But after some soul searching, what it really comes down to is parenting.  And that is a pretty big bummer of a realization.  

This morning, after his friend, J, was dropped off, they immediately settled into the familiar routine of late: constant quarreling.  I was pretty fed up and so I separated them and made them play by themselves in "centers" for about 30 minutes.  Then we read some books, did a craft, had some free play and went outside.  And they were both basically delightful for most of the morning.  I didn't really have to play with them much...I was just more present, and that little shift made the difference. 

What this little experiment confirms for me is that he is really craving my attention.  And I have basically been on parenting autopilot for a long time.  I am not what you would call a "Helicopter Mom."  I firmly believe that kids need to find ways to occupy themselves and to work through their problems on their own.  But maybe I have been too distant.  We've just been cruising along at the same speed, on the same route for a lot of months.  What I'm coming to realize is that we need some recalibration.  

I typically use my days at home to DO ALL THE THINGS!  Laundry, dishes, cooking, grocery listing, meal planning, diaper washing, bed making.  You know...all the things that make a household go round.  However, I am finding that maybe I need to spend less time on my chores and more time on my kids.  It's a wicked balancing act.  We gotta have food and clean clothes.  And we can't live in squalor.  But they are still little, and they still need their mama for more than just the basic necessities.  And, after all, I don't call myself a stay at home housekeeper. 

Maybe you could pray for me during this crazy season...that we could find a way to come together, to enjoy each other and to keep our heads on straight through all the holiday hustle and bustle.  And I'll pray for you, too!

Also!  On an unrelated but awesome note: The Daydreams Foundation is having a Trivia Night to raise money for their cause!  Daydreams is a new non-profit in Columbia whose mission is to help fund extracurricular activities for youth in our community who couldn't otherwise afford to participate.  It is a great group of people with a great heart for young people and any support you can offer would be put to good use!  Go to their website to register for Trivia Night on December 4th.  Tickets are $25/person or $200 per table.  There are also business sponsorships available, so if you are a business owner who would like to sponsor, please let me know!  You can sponsor a round for $100 or the event for $500.  Do it.  Your mom would want you to.  


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