I have lately had to come to terms with the fact that my prayer life is not what it should be. When I was working as a youth minister, I had the luxury of being immersed in the life of faith all the time. I led prayer groups, praise and worship, retreats, etc. on a regular basis. And while you can't substitute ministry for personal growth, I often found time to sneak away to adoration or to read scripture in a quiet moment in the office. And I went to daily Mass...daily.
Fast forward to 2014. All of my days (and nights) are spent changing diapers, reading to kids, cleaning, playing chauffeur, refereeing arguments, or feeding someone. Gah! Why do they need three meals a day?! Two days ago, I thought I had brushed my teeth, but upon further consideration at 5 PM I realized that maybe I never actually did! So getting a quiet moment to myself to spend in prayer or to read my Bible is almost laughable at this point. We make it to Mass on Sundays but lately I have been so tired that I find myself struggling to focus, even when the kids are behaving. I made some Lenten resolutions that were an immediate flop. And they really weren't that difficult at all, but I didn't even make it three days! I did, however, rock a couple of Lenten fish frys (fries?), but maybe that's not the kind of growth I'm looking for.
Now, I am fully aware that I have just made and birthed an entire person, and maybe I should give myself a little grace. Trust me--relying heavily on grace here at Burns-Party of 6. But I feel the effects of the lack of prayer. I can feel all the rough and sharp edges of myself starting to become more prominent, more prickly.
I don't really have a big solution, but I did find a small one that works for me lately. As aforementioned, I do a lot of cleaning. And when there are six people in your house and one is in cloth diapers, you will do ungodly amounts of laundry. I swear the kids just look at an article of clean clothing in their drawer and then put it straight
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| One of our 47 hampers right now. I know, I know! Stop blogging, woman, and go clean! |
Where was I? I think I just blacked out for a second thinking about all the laundry.
Oh yes...so as I was folding a mountainous pile, I started to say some quiet prayers. And then I decided to offer prayers for whichever family member the laundry belonged to. Just a simple offering, but it felt good to lift up the ones I love to the one who loves us best. When I ran out of my own words, I just prayed some Hail Marys with that person in mind as the intention. Kind of like a laundry rosary. It was nothing earth shattering. But it is a good reminder; a good practice for me of a quiet offering that may never have been otherwise.
Way back in Advent I spent a little time meditating on...well, Advent. I was frustrated about feeling spiritually stagnant. Frustrated that it all feels like just going through the motions without any real growth. And in that moment I started to think about the image of a rock sitting in a rushing stream. All that rock has to do, really, is sit there in the stream. And over time, it is changed. As the water runs over and around it, the edges are softened and its shape becomes different. And I am taking comfort in the fact that it is the same way with us. If we put ourselves in God's presence, try to live the life He has called us to, there is change. It might be slow; it might go unnoticed for a time. But if we are patient, in a few months or years or decades even, we will be able to look back and see that we have grown and changed--that we are more like Him.
See, I am doing something new!
Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
Isaiah 43:19
And just in case you came here for something funny (and you haven't stopped reading by now,) here's Brian Williams and Rapper's Delight. If I'm ever a news anchor, I hope someone does this to me.
(And here's the link, in case the video doesn't work on your phone or something weird like that)
If it makes you feel any better, my laundry basket looks like that, too. Excellent post. - Jody
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